I've been dating "Bonnie" for six months, and it's been great. We really are ideal for each other. We are in love, and it all seems too good to be true.
The problem is that I'm the first person Bonnie has dated since she separated from her husband 6 years ago. She caters to her kids, and they are extremely spoiled. Her 16 year-old daughter refuses to make her own food or clean her room. She won't even get herself a drink of water. She'll call out to her mother, and Bonnie will get her the water so she'll stop complaining. The 13 year old is a mama's boy.
Neither child will accept me, even though we've never formally met. They refuse to allow their mother to be happy and want her home with them. Bonnie has met my kids, and they like and respect her. Do I let her children's immaturity ruin our relationship, or do I stick it out? People tell me it's just that the kids are teenagers, but I don't think so. My children are exactly the same ages and don't behave that way. What do I do?
Shitbird Intervention Counselor.
First, you have to ask yourself why "Bonnie" hasn't gotten a divorce yet. If it's something that makes sense, it's one thing. If it's some bullshit, it's quite different and you must drop this fool and not be sucked into the morass that is her life. Furthermore, you're not going to make Bonnie happy. Only Bonnie is going to make Bonnie happy. If Bonnie hasn't figured out that being happy is her responsibility, you need to avail yourself of this mess immediately.
Next, Bonnie's kids are not teenagers. I know plenty of people who were teenagers who do not behave like this. This is because their parents told them to suck it up, and that things around the house will (not should, not must, not possibly) be done before they get to have fun. Bonnie's kids are SHITBIRDS, and she's enabling their shitbird behaviour by catering to their every whim.
You must gather more information before you decide to fix this problem. You need to tell Bonnie that her kids are a bunch of dipshits, and as the man of the house and CEO (Chief ENFORCEMENT Official) you intend to crack down on this nonsense and permit no shitbirds in YOUR house. Bonnie is likely to act the softie and tell you that you do not need to be such a hardass. You need to be a hardass. Being soft turned these kids into shitbirds. If this is the case, you must kick Bonnie to the curb. She has no intention of changing and it will be patently obvious that her kids come first.
Kids do NOT come first in this situation. The Husband/Wife relationship does. If a woman does not realize this, she is not worth your attention. You teach your kids by example. By showing that you will permit no disrespect to your wife, and you will not allow her to be bullied by shitbirds, you will set an example to these kids that will last them a lifetime.
If Bonnie is open to fixing this problem, and this is a problem that needs fixing for society's sake, not to mention the poor slob that will have the misfortune of dating her daughter, you must begin NOW. You must inform these shitbirds that a new sheriff is in town, and everyone's going to suck it up. This is important you do this before you do something stupid like marrying Bonnie, because shitbird is a contagious disease. You allow Bonnie's kids to be shitbirds, your kids will begin to exhibit the same signs of shitbird.
If you are unable, or not up to curing shitbirds; and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that as you neither fathered nor raised these shitbirds, you must dump this chick post haste.
You're kids are well-mannered and well-behaved. You are to be commended for this. Clearly, you are a man who is in control of his castle. You have my respect for taking care of your business.