I'd like to buy a clue, Pat

Dear Carolyn Voodoo:

I recently left a comfortable marriage after 27 years because I didn't love my husband. We lived a passionless, flatlined life, and I could go on, but it's not the point (or is it?). We were separated for 14 months and are now divorced. I started dating someone, and now I live with him. I have not brought him to family events because I was being sensitive to everyone's feelings, but now I feel it's about time to move on with my life.

My family cannot accept this. They do not invite my boyfriend to anything but still invite my ex-husband. We have two grown children and they take their father's side to the point I am left out. If I want to attend dinners at my children's houses I need to leave my boyfriend home. So here I sit wanting to know what went wrong and where to go from here.

Signed,
Can I buy a clue, Pat?


Dear Clueless:

You are a fucking moron. No bullshit. I have things rotting in my fridge that have more capacity for causal thought than you. You can't figure out where you went wrong, and can't figure out why your family and your kids won't accept this new boyfriend? And you have the gall to claim you're actually "sensitive to everyone's feelings"?

Here's a hint:

IT'S BECAUSE YOU FUCKED OVER YOUR EX-HUSBAND!

I find it astounding that you, and self-centered cunts like you, who spend so much time focused on themselves have the inherent inability to figure out why people take umbrage at their actions. Here was a guy who, for 27 years, put all his hopes, dreams, desires, and hobbies on the back burner to put chow on your table, "your" (because the father is never included in 'ownership' of children) kids through the first 20-odd years of their life comfortably, and accorded you a lifestyle that you yourself acknowledged as "comfortable". For all his hard work and effort in being a good father and husband, you bolt because there isn't enough "passion" in your life?

Well fuck you too!

Had the genders been reversed, you and all your pathetic like-minded harpy friends would have claimed this guy was the biggest asshole in the world for running off with some sweet young thing who, GOD FORBID, actually liked to fuck. Yet, when you essentially do the same thing, you can't figure out why people think you're the
asshole?

You ain't sensitive to SHIT. If you were, you would have sucked it up and tried to put passion into your marriage and stuck it out like you promised to do on the altar. Remember "Till Death Do Us Part"? Guess you think that rule, like the one regarding your relatives events and houses, do not apply to you and are subject to modification at your discretion.

Here's a newsflash for you. When invited to your relatives' respective houses, THEY MAKE THE RULES. If they don't want your latest 'passion-filled fuck' in their house, this is their prerogative. Accept the fact that they're at least inviting you, which is a lot more than I would do if you were related to me. I'd tell you exactly what you need to hear: "You're a worthless bag of shit that needs to be tossed down the nearest accessible septic tank."