Dear Annie Voodoo:

I have a neighbor who is creating havoc in my life. I'm convinced that "Ellen" is mentally ill and becoming worse. Her "friendship" has become a drain.

When we first moved here, our children became pals, and I found Ellen to be fun. As the years pass, however, I find the friendship is very one-sided. Ellen has a miserable marriage, does not get along with her family, and has isolated many friends due to her bizarre behaviour. She never listens to anything I say; it's all about her. She is consumed with money and constantly discusses how important it is to her.

Ellen comes to my house, stays longer than she is welcome, and the entire time, she gulps my wine. Since I believe she has a drug-and-alcohol problem, I feel as if I'm enabling her by letting her drink at my house.

The other day, Ellen blatantly lied to me and upset my family in the process. I told her she had violated my trust, but I don't believe she understands the depth of my anger and how much she has damaged our relationship.

I have been very good to Ellen, but I think our friendship has run it's course. I no longer want her coming to my home or involving my family with her problems. Perhaps I should be more sympathetic, but I simply cannot deal with this anymore.

Short of moving across town or telling Ellen that I no longer wish to see her, what are my options? I don't want this to affect our children's friendship.

Signed,
Chickenshit

Dear Chickenshit:

What kind of an idiot are you letting someone whom you suspect is a booze-hag drink your wine in your house? What kind of idiot are you letting someone you think is loony in your house in the first place? And apparently you've earned mother-of-the-year status by blabbering to me all these vile nasty things this woman has allegedly done to you, yet, you're more than willing to let your kids stay around this nutcase.

It's your house, your life, and your kids. Lay down the law. The only reason this loony does this shit is because you let her get away with it. Tell this nutjob that there will be no booze consumed in your house. Tell this nutjob to shut the fuck up when she starts blabbering. Tell this nutjob that if you catch her lying again, you're going to split her skull open with a stick. If you are not prepared to do this, you must banish this person from your life and forever remain on the 'candyass' list. If she doesn't want to do this, congratulations, you've successfully removed a thorn in your side.

Dear Annie Voodoo:

This is in response to "Anxious", whose 16 year old daughter is under 5 feet and doesn't look her age. I am 5 feet nothing and small boned. It was not easy as a teenager. I was not taken seriously and hated it with a passion.

However, she will reap the rewards later. I am now 48 and look 30. It is wonderful and I am having the last laugh. I exercise and eat right, and I've noticed younger men giving me the eye. So tell her to hang in there. Yes, it will be frustrating but her time will come.

Signed,
Bullshitter Deluxe


Dear Bullshitter Deluxe:

You're deluded. If you think younger men are giving you the eye, either these men are 47, drunk, or you're interpretation of their 'look' is incorrect. They're probably looking at you trying to figure out what clothing store sells skank-wear in sizes for pre-teens.