Pure of heart but not of body?

Dear Abby Voodoo:

I am a 28-year-old woman and have been dating a 26-year-old man I'll call "Chris" for four months. We have become good friends. On our last date, the topic of sex came up, and Chris told me that he was a virgin and that it was very important for him to find a girl who had "never been with anyone" either.

Well, Abby, that bridge was burned when I was a teenager. I was honest with Chris about it, which was not easy because I now regret some of the poor choices I made at that time of my life. I am a completely different person now due to a religious conversion and am waiting until I am married to have sex again.

I told Chris this, and asked if he wanted to continue the relationship. His answer was he'd "have to think about it." We are still friends. He says he likes me and still wants us to date.

However, although I care deeply for him, I now feel devalued. I'm afraid this issue is going to cause problems in the future. I believe that purity is an issue more of the heart than the body. If I had known that virginity was so important to Chris, I would never have dated him in the first place.

Pennsylvania Whore

Dear PW:

Thanks for the laugh. It's statements like "I believe that purity is an issue more of the heart than the body.", statements which I lack the comedic genius to come up with, that are so worthy of ridicule that one cannot help but bust a gut at the sheer stupidity contained within.

Purity is an issue of the heart and soul, dipshit. You can't be pure in one area and impure in another. You should feel devalued because YOU HAVE DEVALUED YOURSELF by acting the whore. You all but acknowledge this when you claim to have sworn off sex until marriage. Obviously, you consider this to be an incorrect path upon which to walk through life and have cut it out. If you didn't, you'd still be out there fucking bikers, thugs, and any asshole out there with a good line of bullshit, false confidence, and a crisp 50 dollar bill.

Just reading this bullshit lends me to think that you're actually looking for someone to tell you what a big fat asshole Chris is because he doesn't want some washed-up skank for a wife. Chris isn't the unreasonable asshole here, YOU ARE. Chris has something called "Moral Fiber", something that's lacking in today's society. Chris is a man who knows what he wants, what's important to him, and wants someone who shares his moral code with him. If Chris is a drinking man, I'd have the bartender send him one over for sticking to his principles and not compromising them for anyone. And if he's smart enough to drop your washed-up ass, he'd drink on my tab for the rest of the night.

You, on the other hand, are the asshole. You want this guy to change his thinking for you. You acted the fool early in your life and now that you meet someone who, under the old ways, might have been a great match for you had you kept your panties on, you want him to accept you as you are and ignore your past. Perhaps you should have thought of the consequences of your actions before you decided to go be 'pure of heart' without being 'pure of body'. It's called the WAGES OF SIN, and the tab just landed on your table. PAY UP.

TOUGH SHIT!