Monday, June 4, 2007

Nag speaks out

Dear Abby Voodoo:

Every faucet in our house has a slow drip - the kitchen sink, the bathtub, the upstairs bathroom. My husband "Earl's" response to the kitchen drip is that he wants to replace the entire sink and countertop, so "we'll do it all then." For the one in our bathtub, he says, "We're going to tear all that out anyway and put in a new tub." Earl avidly watches home improvement shows and drags me to home improvement stores to look at the replacements but never buys anything or follows through with any projects.

I am willing to approve anything that gets the drips stopped, whether it's a faucet replacement or a whole new kitchen. Earl is fully capable of doing the job himself and has all the new tools. I might add that he takes the same approach to the old truck he's going to fix up, the painting that needs to be done, the porch to be replaced and other projects. He's full of talk, but to myself I refer to him as "the big drip". How do I get him to fix the problem?

Nagging Harpy

Dear Nagging Harpy:

Have you ever considered that you're part of the problem? I think you're pissed at Earl for something else, like the fact that he failed to provide you with the life you think you deserve to live, and that this garbage is just a bunch of displaced anger at some other shit.

Fact of the matter is, faucets are not hard to fix. Just about anyone who can drive to a hardware store can fix one. Any reasonable person would get so sick and tired of it that they'd go out and fix it themselves. Only you won't. Because the responsibility for the drip falls squarely upon him, his failure to do so means you can assume the moral high ground and claim some measure of superiority that comes from being a victim.

Way I see it, it appears that you like being the victim. Easiest way to get victim status and its accordant attention is to go provoke someone into a response so that, when he retaliates, you can go run crying to the nearest emotional tampon that will listen. I bet you nag the shit out of Earl to go do stuff. When he doesn't, you tell anyone who will listen what a big asshole he is. Earl has figured out your game and refuses to play. He's dropped out because he can't win. He fixes it, you find something else to be unhappy about and nag him until he provides the needed response. he doesn't fix it, he gets nagged at to fix it. Either way, he's fucked. In his mind he says "Fuck this, I'm doing something else.", or even better, he starts behaving passive-aggressively (because he can't give you the backhand--literally or figuratively) in order to rile you up. That how he exercises control in a situation in which he's powerless.

You're an able bodied person, you're female, you've bought into that "Women can do everything, and do it better than men" bullshit. Quit your bitching and put your money where your mouth is. Fix the fucking thing yourself.