Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Help me! I'm a retarded control freak!

Today's letter:

Dear Carolyn Voodoo:

I'm on the verge of moving in with a man I am deeply in love with. I have a young son who I am very protective of and who I've been solely responsible for raising for most of his life. I don't approve of smoking, cursing, violent movies, overly loud music, and the usual non-kid friendly behaviour around my son, and my boyfriend has agreed that once we move in, the smoking stays outside and the behaviour stays PG as long as the little one is around. Everything seems like it's going smoothly, but just to be on the safe side, I'd like advice on how to start "enforcing" the new code of conduct once we move in. It is his house, and he's a grown man so I'd like to avoid reprimanding him or being a harpy, but my son comes first. How do I go about being a good mom to my son without being too much of a mom to my boyfriend?

Hypocritical fucking cunt

Dear Hypocritical fucking cunt:

Boy, are you one stupid motherfucker. You abhor smoking, drinking, swearing, fighting, and acting like an asshole around your son, yet you're moving in with the first son of a bitch who meets this criteria (READ: THUG) and who soaks your panties. I'm in awe of you. Most people fuck up at some point in their lives, but it takes a pure genius to do it on the level you're doing it. You don't like that shit? HOW ABOUT NOT MOVING IN WITH THE THUG AND FIND SOMEONE ELSE WHO DOESN'T DO THAT SHIT IN THE FIRST PLACE?

Secondly, you're moving into his house. I bet he's paying the rent/mortgage too. What right do you have to tell him how to behave in his house, given that he's paying the rent and taking YOUR sorry ass and that of your poindexter-in-training wussy brat of yours as well. You dirty fucking carpetbagging, parasite! Just who the fuck do you think you are? Adolf Hitler with a pussy?

Here's an idea. #1: Don't date thugs in the first place. #2: He who pays the bills makes the rules. and #3: if you can't do #1 and #2 and therefore take some initiative and responsibility for your own ass, don't fucking write into the newspaper looking for advice.


KellyMac said...

Yay! Finally someone with sense writing an advice column!

MarkyMark said...


When I have a chance, I'm going to link to you. This column is GOOD STUFF! One has to ask an obvious question though. How did this woman BECOME a single mom in the first place? Was it by banging another thug/OB, hmmm?


Anonymous said...

voodoo, you ROCK!!

PLEASE do more.


byrdeye said...


We need more VoodooJock and less Oprah/Dr. Phil!