Monday, February 12, 2007

I live next door to shitbirds!

Dear Annie Voodoo:

I need an outside opinion. I was in the process of repairing the windows on my garage, only to discover that they do not make this type of window anymore. My neighbors of 15 years, who I'd thought were our friends, recently replaced their garage windows with glass block ones. Since my original windows were not available, I decided to go with glass block windows, also, I called my neighbor and told her that she had good taste, and we were going to get similar windows. She was furious and berated me like you wouldn't believe. I thought she was joking when she said if we put in glass block windows, she would never speak to me or my wife again and this friendship would be over.

We installed glass block windows anyway, and the neighbors are not talking to us. Our windows look totally different than theirs. Ours have black bars in front and are partially covered by bushes. Also, our two houses are not alike in size, shape, color or landscaping. In addition, after touring the neighborhood, we see that there are eight other houses in the immediate area with glass block windows.

I don't understand the big deal. I wrote them a letter an apologized, saying imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but nothing.

I really hate to end this friendship over something so trivial. Any advice?

Signed,
Henry Kissinger.

Dear Hank:

First, go to your safe, your desk, your basement, or wherever the fuck you keep the deed to your house. Give it a good, hard, look. Whose name is on this title? Is it your neighbors?

NO!

It's YOUR house, you can do whatever the fuck you want to it. At least as long as you don't piss off the facisti in the homeowner's association. Do you like these glass block windows? If the answer is 'yes', you don't have to do anything more to justify your position.

It matters not how many assholes in your neighborhood have them or not. It matters not whether your house is different than theirs or not. What matters is that YOU have to live there, and it's up to YOU to make the place YOU bought a place that YOU are proud to live in.

You've done everything you can to placate these assholes. Nothing worked. So get that idea that you broke this friendship out of your head. You're not the one that has a stick shoved up her ass over something stupidly trivial like glass block windows. You're not the one who refused an offering of peace. You didn't do SHIT to end this friendship.

These people are shitbirds. If it wasn't glass block windows, your friendship would have ended over something equally stupid. Because these people are not happy with the appearance of their own house, and now think they have a right to tell you how to fix YOUR house, they are not worthy of your friendship.

It's time to say 'Fuck them', and move on with your life.

2 comments:

Mike D said...

DAM RIGHT.

Sorry for kissing ass but to be perfectly honest, you are the best poster on the forums.

You, AntiRaid, and Eli. Fucking-A.

(Drunk, but still honest)

FunkMan said...

i know for fact there are two things that are infinite , the universe and stupidity, since the universe is far out of reach, i tend to focus on looking at the stupidity and your website is a gold mine!. i look forward to more stupidity from the people around the world. so i can have little remorse for these fuckers when the world goes down the shit.