Friday, February 23, 2007

More "Dynasty" Bullshit

Dear Carolyn Voodoo:

I have a friend, J., who, while a good person is competitive. She would like to be married and have a family, but does not, and recently adopted a dog. Recently she told me, in all sincerity, that having a dog was harder than raising a baby. All I could do was stare at her, mouth open. I have been through hell and back with this baby (some postpartum depression - which J. knows about) and I just can't believe she would compare the two. I know this is probably jealousy, but this has gone too far. I feel at a loss for what to do.

Signed,
Joan Collins

Dear Joan Collins:

Give me a fucking break. You actually wrote me seeking advice for this stupidity? Incredible! Seriously, there are better things to do than deal with this petty, schoolyard bullshit.

This chick did this to get your goat. By your response, it appears she got it. Way to go J.! In the words of the sage and wise Mr. T., you're a SUCKER for falling for this shit, and a FOOL for writing me about it.

Quit letting shit get to you. Quit making tempests in a teapot. Quit attention whoring by seeking advice in order to justify your belief that this harpy's crazier than a shithouse rat. Grow the fuck up already. When adults see foolishness, they don't even bother entertaining such bullshit notions; they shrug them off, consider the idiot crazy, and get on with their lives.

Dear Carolyn Voodoo:

I found out my boyfriend's friend was saying not-so-nice things about me to my boyfriend. He, of course, defended me, but I'm having a hard time getting over this. I can't help but feel insulted and hurt by his friend. Since my boyfriend and I are likely to move on to the next level of our relationship, I likely will have to see this person again. How do you suggest I deal with the situation?

Signed,
Future Mrs. Mangina

Dear Mrs. Mangina:

Exactly where the fuck did you grow up? An igloo in the middle of the arctic circle, away from society as a whole? Seriously, haven't you ever heard "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" in the schoolyard? It's already a given that you likely didn't learn jack shit when you were in school, just because they don't teach jack shit there, the least you could have done was pay attention when you were in the fucking schoolyard.

You're making a big deal out of this for no fucking reason other than to call attention to yourself. Poor widdle victim of your boyfriends big mean friend! As Brother Eli would say: SUCK IT UP BITCH!

Get your fucking shit together. You think everyone on this planet is going to like you? You think the world is just one big love-fest with the world singing in perfect harmony like that annoying motherfucking Coca Cola commercial?

Newsflash: IT ISN'T.

People will not like you. It IS inevitable. Plenty of people hate my guts. But you know what? I don't give a rat's ass what they think, as the opinions of known fools are of no consequence to me. You would be well advised to adopt the same attitude, and quit wasting the valuable time of advice columnists with your silly-assed problems.

2 comments:

FunkMan said...

I feel sorry for you voodoo jock. why? of all the shit that goes around in the world, these fucking cunt losers come to you with such fucking stupid retarded shoved up their ass and puked out of their vagina problems, it hurts my brain.

VoodooJock said...

They don't. They're dumb enough to write into the newspaper for advice, and the dumbshits in the newspaper are more than willing to spout sanctimonious psychobabble that's useless in the real world to them.