Monday, January 22, 2007

Girlfriend Demands this Man's Balls!

Dear Carolyn Voodoo:

My girlfriend basically has told me I have a year, then she expects to get engaged. We have been together about two years. I am in my mid-20's, and don't want to get married until 30 at least. She is great, I love her, but I am not sure that she is the person I could spend the rest of my life with. HELP. I have tried explaining that I am not ready to think about that, but she doesn't seem to care.

Needs a roadmap to find my balls.

Dear Roadmap:

First, stick your hand down your pants, right between your legs. Find something? Those are your balls. You have them. Now start acting like you have a pair.

You say this woman is great. She is not great. She's giving you an ultimatum. Therefore, she is not great, she is a cunt. You need to ask yourself if you want to be married to a cunt, even if you marry this cunt after you're 30. If you cave in to this chick's ultimatum, congratulations, you have yanked off your balls, and put them in her purse. She will be giving you ultimatums for the rest of your life. Next ultimatum is knocking her up. Then it's a Lexus. Then it's a fur coat or some other over-priced bauble that catches her eye.

Few women are keepers. This cunt is not one of them. You need to drop this cunt like she was radioactive and RUN TO THE HILLS. You are a MAN. You must remember this. YOU are in control of your own destiny, it is YOUR responsibility to act in your best interests. Furthermore, if the next chick demands you buy her shit, thus you will be supplying the gold, you must NEVER forget the golden rule:


You write the checks, you call the shots. If she doesn't like that, she's a gold-digging parasite and must be discarded immediately. After all, a woman can do anything a man can do, therefore she can go get her own fucking gold. Make her do it.

Lastly, I suggest you get your ass over to before you turn 30, and read it. Then try to convince yourself getting married is a good fucking idea.

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