Tuesday, December 5, 2006

My family is full of shitbirds!

Dear Annie Voodoo:

My nephew's parents are dead, and I have always been close to him. His ex-wife and daughter live in a shabby mobile home. The place is squalid. I am not talking about cobwebs on the ceiling. I am talking about filth and bugs.

I asked if I could help clean up, and she agreed. I filled six large trash bags, and still uncovered only a quarter of the kitchen floor. It was coated in animal waste. My great-niece is in high school and goes around smelling like that.

The ex-wife suffers from fibromyalgia and probably depression. So far, she hasn't been able to get disability. I told her, gently, that if someone reported her, they could take away her child. In response, she took a dose of morphine for pain. Now I'm worried she might have a dependency problem.

I'm thinking of telling my nephew how bad it is and suggesting he take custody of his daughter. My apartment is too small, so that's not an option. But what will become of his ex-wife? Is there an organization I can contact for her?

Free Maid for Shitbirds

Dear Free Maid for Shitbirds:

There's a reason why your nephew isn't involved. It's because he has these people spotted for what they are: SHITBIRDS. He's the only smart one of the whole bunch, a bunch that includes YOU. You're not a shitbird, you're a fool for cleaning up after a shitbird.

There's also a reason why this shitbird ex of his can't get disability. It's because she doesn't have chronic fatigue syndrome, it's because she's chronically lazy. And her daughter is a chip off the ol' cunt. She's in high school and doesn't give a shit about where she lives or whether she smells like cat piss enough to clean her surroundings up? Definitely a sign of shitbird status.

Quit cleaning up after shitbirds. Leave your nephew alone. Let these assholes sit in their own piss and shit to their hearts content. God helps those who help themselves. These people don't want help, they want to live in shit. Outside of the military, there's no organization that will cure these shitbirds. And only the Army would want these two shitbirds, and only so they can use them to clear mine fields and blow up IED's.

Dear Annie Voodoo:

I am 72 years old and read your column daily. Why do some people complain and moan about such unbelievably minor concerns? My wife has had multiple sclerosis for more than 10 years and is homebound. I take care of her 24/7, 365 days a year because I love the woman and would do the same for me.

Tell these insecure people to wake up to reality and face life the way that it has been dealt to them. Thanks. Just wanted to get that off my chest.

Grumpy old fart

Dear Grumpy Old Fart:

These shitbirds write into the paper for the same reasons shitbirds write into me complaining about the shitbirds that write into the column. They have too much free time on their hands.

Go take care of your wife, ignore the shitbirds in the paper, lest your case of shitbird-itis progresses to the point that only a severe beating will cure you.

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